The Ultimatum: Queer Love star-crossed lovers Xander Boger and Vanessa Papa broke up at the end of the reality TV experiment. Vanessa carelessly hooked up with her trial wife Raelyn Cheung-Sutton and Xander started a very intense three-week relationship with Yoly Rojas. Despite Vanessa realizing she didn’t want to lose her best friend and the four years they spent inseparable living in Hawaii. The two met in high school when they were dating boyfriends who were best friends. They reconnected in their mid-twenties and both found out they were lesbian. Let’s find out what happened to Xander and Vanessa after filming The Ultimatum: Queer Love back in the fall of 2021.
The couple clearly weren’t right for each other upon coming on the show. Xander wanted a partner who was prepared to get married and start a family. Meanwhile, Vanessa seemed more interested in becoming an influencer and didn’t even know if she believed in a lifelong commitment to a partner.
What Happened To Xander & Vanessa After Their Breakup?
“Vanessa and I are not speaking right now,” Xander told E! News. “She reached out to me about two weeks before the reunion trying to connect. And it felt like she was very apologetic about a lot of things. Again, unfortunately I defended her at the reunion. Then she was like poof, gone. I haven’t gotten to a point at this time that I would want to call her my friend necessarily. It doesn’t feel like someone I can trust or rely on.”
It looks like Xander got played so Vanessa could look good on the reunion. Xander’s Instagram shows they still live in Hawaii where they works a licensed physical therapist helping clients recover from injuries and get in shape. She also enjoys time at the beach, journaling, meditating and doing yoga.
“We still talk. I mean, we went through so much. And she was such a lighthouse of support. She was like my true north for everything. It was tumultuous and such a hard experience,” Yoly said about Xander. She said she’d be open to dating Xander, but they live so far apart from one another. “I miss it. But we both have some growth to do and healing.” Yoly regrets kissing Xander after saying yes to Mal Wright‘s proposal.
“My relationship with Xander I would say at this point is a very broken friendship that is hopeful for the future. We talk on occasion, I would say, but not a friendship level,” Vanessa told E! News. Vanessa moved to LA after returning to Hawaii and trying to make her rekindled her relationship with Xander. However, she discovered Xander planning for Yoly to come visit them in Hawaii and ultimately had to give up on repairing the romantic partnership.
Vanessa dealt with severe mold in her LA apartment. It’s unclear what Vanessa does for work, but other cast members mentioned she’s an aspiring actress. Since the show aired, Vanessa decided to keep a pretty low profile from all the dragging she received online.
“I haven’t posted about the show very much because it was one of the lowest points in my life and it’s been very difficult to re-live years later,” Vanessa explained on Instagram. “That being said, I also have a lot of great memories from that time with some of the cast members and will absolutely share them with you guys. But I need some time to recoup.”
Vanessa also appears to be enjoying her single life and is enjoying Pride Month.
Xander Bashes Vanessa As Narcissistic
“I don’t [think Vanessa would’ve wanted to get engaged] unless it was to benefit her in some way,” Xander said in a People interview. “I don’t think that it would’ve been for us. And I don’t think that would’ve been for because she wanted to be with me necessarily.”
“I think it would’ve been for her control or because she wanted to make herself look good. I think that’s something that I knew too when I would visualize myself on the decision day. What if I did propose to Vanessa? If she said yes… I would’ve looked at her and I would’ve been like, ‘I don’t believe you.'”
“I wanted to give it my all. I wasn’t willing to give up… For me, I looked at it as, we are in a four-year relationship that definitely got stale in some aspects. Here’s this new person who’s new and shiny and ready to be romantically involved and kiss you and everything. Of course, that’s going to be more exciting than a four-year relationship. But I was trying to get Xander to come back to reality a little bit,” Vanessa told People.